I Love You
by x-backtoblack-x
Summary: Sometimes the words "I love you" are more memorable than others, but everyone remembers the first and last. Beca/Chloe.


Really I just felt like some good old fashioned angst...

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The first time Beca had realized she was in love with Chloe Beale it had paralyzed her in fear as she sat in Chloe's parents living room, getting shown pictures of her girlfriend as a child. It was a month after Chloe had graduated and after weeks of begging, pleading and wangling the older girl had finally convinced Beca to spend the weekend at her parents' house with her when she went home for her father's fiftieth birthday.

It hadn't actually been that bad. Beca had been spending all her time with Chloe that summer, thus far anyway, so she'd only have ben lonely for the weekend if she'd not gone, plus Chloe's parents were unsurprisingly really cool people; with Chloe's mum just being an older version of the girl, and other than their hugging habit – which Beca had quickly learned not to recoil from – she figured they wouldn't be the worst people to get to know.

Whether or not Beca had subconsciously loved her girlfriend of three months before this trip she didn't know, but it was definitely while here, surrounded by pictures of Chloe growing up, the same smile she had to this day beaming back at her in every photo frame, and the people that had shaped Chloe into thewoman she was today welcoming the anti-social DJ like she was already part of the family that made Beca realize she did in fact love her, and that she never once wanted to have to imagine her life without her in it.

She didn't say anything though. The fear that had paralyzed her, shutting her vocal box up tight as well and instead she merely chose to smile dumbly at her girlfriend who was in the chair across from her, and hold her that little bit tighter that night as they fell asleep in one another's arms.

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For Chloe the first time she realized she was in love with Beca Mitchell was while she stood on the podium at graduation, hand in hand with Aubrey looking out at the crowd and catching Beca's eye in the second row. If Chloe didn't know any better she'd say the youngers girls eyes had tears in them, but Beca Mitchell never cried, so that was just silly.

The longer she looked though the more she realized it. Realized that once she graduated there was no guarantee she'd get a job near Barden. Hell with the way the economy was there wasn't even a guarantee she'd get a job in the same state as Barden.

It was then her joy came crashing down around her; not because this was her home and she'd always secretly been a home bird, but instead because this meant there was a very real chance that she'd only get to see Beca on holidays and the very occasional long weekend and even then, Beca was barely even a relationship kind of person, never mind a long distance kind of person.

In the same moment she realized this she also came to the conclusion that she didn't want to lose Beca, ever and that really she'd been silly not to see it sooner, but my god she was in love with the petite brunette that she'd dragged kicking in screaming into her life at the start of the year.

She never said anything of this moment to anyone, least of all to Beca, part of her afraid that admitting she may have to move away to find a job would scare Beca off and part of her afraid that admitting she loved her would scare her off even quicker.

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It wasn't long after her weekend with Chloe's family that Beca finally did pluck up the courage to say them three words that had been mulling about in her head since the second she'd first thought them and it was entirely by accident that they slipped out.

Chloe had in the end managed to find a job only a few miles from the university, and although they both agreed it was a little too soon for them to live together just yet and had agreed Beca would stay in her dorm until Christmas, the younger girl had already basically moved in over the summer, choosing to stay as far away from her father and step-monster as possible.

Really it was just a normal Saturday evening. They'd agreed to watch old films all night and they were half ways through "The Breakfast Club" when they'd run out of popcorn, Beca untangling herself form Chloe to get up and make some before she missed too much. She was walking back however when she paused just before the couch, simply to watch her girlfriend. There Chloe was oblivious to Beca's stare and totally engrossed in one of her favourite non-musical films and quietly quoting along with John Bender, her entire body radiating the happiness she felt in that exact moment.

"I really love you." Beca announced suddenly, feeling the overwhelming feeling of compassion for this woman swell in her chest.

"You… what?" Chloe gasped, instantly having lost interest in the film, her entire body turning to face Beca.

"Yea I… I love you." Beca repeated, stunned with herself. "I have for a while now, I dunno, I guess I've just been afraid to say it." She elaborated plainly.

The first time Chloe ever told Beca she loved her, was a heartbeat later, her fears for the previous two months being vanquished in that second.

"I love you too…" Chloe replied, not missing a beat in conversation as she quickly pulled Beca down onto the couch beside her and kissed her hard. "I really do love you too." She whispered quietly.

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There was always a debate between the two women on what had been the most meaningful "I love you" of their relationship. One thing they could mutually agree on was that the "I love you" had been uttered on their wedding day, seven years after the words were first said aloud.

In Chloe's opinion however the three magical words had been made most spellbinding at the bottom of the aisle. She'd walked down, arm looped through her fathers and eyes for no one but her fiancée at the bottom. She saw for only the second time in her life the sea blue eyes rimmed red with tears and she felt her own well up as she approached the alter, feeling one spill over as she reached her destination and let go of her father's hand and took he future wife's.

"I uh… I love you so much Chloe Beale." Beca whispered to her, her voice cracking with tears but a smile still set firm on her face as she squeezed her hand.

There it was and those three words had never had more meaning to her. The emotion in Beca's voice and the magic of the day and the love in the room and it was all just perfect and a moment Chloe knew would stay with her forever.

For Beca it was later that same day, during their first dance. Chloe had wanted Beca to make a mix for the occasion but Beca had insisted otherwise and told her she'd just have to wait and see, so when the original Bella's had gotten up onstage, all of them having dusted off their scarves for the occasion and led once again by Aubrey for old times' sake Chloe couldn't really say she was surprised. It was the song they sung however that caught her most off guard.

As the first bars of a slowed down Titanium melody echoed through the room and her new wife took led her to the centre of the floor to dance to their song she felt a tsunami of emotion overcome her.

"Beca this is so… so perfect." She whispered, as they swayed to the beat. "I love you, I love you more than anything else on this earth."

That was the moment for Beca. She wasn't sure why, but it was. Something about the appreciation and emotion that blended perfectly in Chloe's voice, the way they were swaying as one on the floor for the first of many times together, the fact that it had been her wife that said I love you instead of her girlfriend or her fiancée. It was all that and something more that made that moment for Beca the most perfect of her life by a long bit.

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There were many more times in their lives together that the words "I love you" were repeated. Sometimes out of habit but never without the same dedication and meaning behind every syllable. Later in life they even found two more people to say it too, first Harmony and then two years later Scott, making their family and their "I love you's" complete.

Sometimes though those words can fade. Forgotten when daily life swoops in and gobbles up your times and energy, leaving other things to be thought about and leaving less time to treasure the little moments when you're appreciated.

It's not until the last "I love you" that you really regret this. It's not until you run out of moments to appreciate that you really wish there were more. It's not until the words "I love you" tune out of stories and conversations, long forgotten by your busy life.

Beca would always remember the last "I love you." Chloe would not. At eighty five and with her mind slipping away from her there wasn't a lot of things Chloe could remember and Beca knew this, yet she came, every day without fail, come hell or high water. Often her children brought her, but they had their own lives and families now and couldn't always be there, but on this day Beca was glad of this.

She'd felt it when she'd woken up that morning. Something was different, something was off. This was it. She'd planned to be there by two as she usually was, but that day she carried herself through the door as fast as her frail arthritis ridden legs and walking stick would allow her at half eleven.

She knew her way, and reached the room just as the beeping began. The shrill sound shocked her for a moment, its pitch, its intensity, the panic it caused around her. She never once made a move to get in the doctors ways as they ran past her, shouting commands, firing up machines that would bring her wife back to life, no one noticing her really as she stood by the door watching, feeling her life go grey.

They left after a while. A nurse finally spotting her and offering her time alone before arraignment's had to be made. She accepted this gift of time with open arms, unsure of what exactly she'd do with it, but knowing that she needed it, needed to grieve on her own, before her children and grandchildren got here, before Chloe's family arrived and Aubrey and the remaining Bella's, before she was left feeling more along than ever in a room full of people without her wife by her side.

"You sure know how to throw a girl." Beca whispered, sitting in the chair by the bed and clutching at her wife's still warm hand. "What am I going to do without you Chlo? Who's going to remind me to put a dishwasher tablet in the machine? Who's going to remind me that Harmony's wedding anniversary is they Fourth of July and not the Fourth of June? Who's going to nudge me and glare when I tune out of conversations? Who's going to- Who's going to hold my hand in the evenings and wrap her arms around me as I fall asleep at night?" Beca questioned, her voice straining to keep composure as tears ran freely down her face blurring her vision. "I love you Chloe Mithell." Beca whispered, never having meant the two words more than she did right then. "And you better wait on me wherever you are, because sixty six years loving you wasn't enough."


End file.
